Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize