Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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