we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
