she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We need a shit load of segways right now
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
