where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
