So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
