Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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