Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
