so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
