Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You smell like stripper and shame
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
