After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
