My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
