i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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