i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize