I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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