Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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