The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
