Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
