I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you didnt know i had herpes?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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