put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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