Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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