Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
