I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
