The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
