Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
