i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
