so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
