she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
