I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
