I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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