There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
