Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
