omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
