the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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