If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
All I want is dick and wine.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
