We're like a lot better than the average bears
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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