no. you can't hotbox the world.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
