You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
