Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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