Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
