I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
