the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
