is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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