She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You did what with his pubic hair?
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