i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
