His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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