so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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