I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
