so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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