A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
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