you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
