whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
A+ Viking dick
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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