Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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