There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
