I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
