God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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