I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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