that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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