Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
