I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he was CRYING into my vagina
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
