My liver just broke up with me...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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