I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
