Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
