I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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