Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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