i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize