i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
and you fell through a lawn chair
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
