She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize