I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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