What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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