My nipple is on Facebook.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
