A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
