im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
