she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
high people should be assigned attendants
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
