Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
