Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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