She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize