I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
